Wedding Information

Archive for the ‘Wedding to do list’ Category

what’s the etiquette here? It’s my first and hopefully only marriage. Do i have to invite all females on wedding list?? I just dont want my friend to have to pay too much here… I wanted small but I dont know if that’s possible without leaving people out and then feeling bad…

help!!
I know I am not inviting… DUH… but how is my friend supposed to know WHO to invite if I dont give a list of addresses??

Nah, dont invite all the females on the wedding list. Just invite all bridesmaids, female family members, and close friends.
Others like coworkers or casual friends, or wives of your husbands friends, dont need to be invited. (And probably… they dont really want to go)
I always think a shower should be a small, intimate event because it is more comfortable and fun that way! There were 10 guests at my shower and it was perfect. But thats just me. Ive been to showers where 50 or more ladies were there.

Could anyone share their experiences/opinions on these few things? I feel like our wedding list is getting too high but I’m not sure where the wiggle room is…

Did you invite kids to your wedding or have it adults only, and what would you recommend? Is it acceptable to invite some kids and not others?

Is it always necessary to include "& Guest" on invitations to singles?

Did you try to have the number of guests from each side of the family (bride and groom) be as equal as possible?

Thanks very much!

I’m going to pass on Miss Manners’ views here, but bear in mind that it is more important to please your family and future in-laws than to rigidly adhere to etiquette.

Kids: It’s OK to have an ‘adults only’ wedding, but you can’t invite some and exclude others. The exception to this the children and young siblings of the bride and groom can be included while all other children are excluded. But if your bridesmaid’s 2 year old is allowed to attend, then EVERYBODY’S 2 year old must be eqaully welcomed.

Equal guests on both sides. The respective families should be negotiating this one, as it is very complex. Assuming that the bride’s family is paying the bills, they are in a difficult position when their own family is small and the groom’s family is numerous. However, as hosts, they are certainly within their rights to insist on a small wedding. If the groom’s family wants a huge affair, it is perfectly proper for them to hold a dance, tea, reception, or other festive event after the honeymoon, so as to introduce the new couple to their own social circle.

And guest. Oh dear, this one can really upset people, but it is NEVER correct to write "and guest" on invitations to social (rather than business) events. If you want Cousin Betty’s live in boy friend to come, then you must invite him by name. In no case should guests be given reign to invite guests of their own — a wedding is not a disco and one should not expect to bring a date. (Do you really WANT to allow people to entertain guests of their own at your expense?)

I think you are really going to need a lot more detailed advice from Miss Manners, like tips on how to politely (but effectively) enforce your wishes on this one. Also, it would be helpful to have a Miss Manners book act as referee between dueling families, relieving you and your intended of the role. Her books are widely available at stores and at libraries. If your own library doesn’t carry her, ask for an interlibrary loan; I am sure you will find it worth the trouble. (Her real name is "Judith Martin". The books are easy and fun to read and full of GREAT advice for brides and families.)

Added later: Advice along the lines of "it’s YOUR wedding and you can do whatever you want" should be firmly ignored. You have a great deal of responsibility to your guests and your families in this — resist those who urge you to indulge in an orgy of self centered thoughtlessness and overspending.

Is it the bride and grooms? Parents? Wedding party? Also, how do
We get the word out about where we are registered?

What we did was asked our parents to gather their list of people they would like us to invite, and send it to us with their addresses. We didn’t include every person on their lists (due to budget) but it was nice to get all the information at once, instead of having to track stuff down as we addressed everything.

Now, we had a nice head start on this because we sent save the date cards to out-of-province and guests that were more than a 2 hour drives. Although we didn’t send them to every guest, having to get all the addresses gathered up 7 months in advanced really helped reduce the stress when we were mailing the invites out 2 months before the wedding.

Our parents just gave us their Christmas card list (full names and addresses) that they edited down to be a reasonable size for our guest list. It was great because they had all the information for aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

My husband and I gathered everything for our friends. Mostly we just emailed or used facebook private messages to ask for our friends currently mailing addresses. Those can be harder to keep track of because people in their 20’s move a lot! But it’s nice to have all the info now because I can use the wedding guest list to send out Christmas cards (which I did this year).

Really, your guest list gathering will be a group effort, especially if your parents are going to want to invite some of their friends or work associates.

In terms of spreading the registry word, just let your bridal party and parent know. Guests will know to ask them (or you directly) where you are registered. We also posted that information on our wedding website. And we printed a little business card with the website address on it to include in our wedding invitations as well. It just said: "For venue information, directions, maps and hotel information please visit our wedding website: www.website.com" Then on the website we had a page for the registry information and a link to the store’s website too.

Good Luck!

I have a good friend that I’ve kept in touch with over the past few years. She got engaged last year, and I was very happy for her. At the time, she sent me an email asking my husband and myself to "save the date" of her wedding. My husband and I both rearranged our work and vacation schedules to make sure we could make it (not an easy thing for both of us to coordinate). However, ten months later, we did not receive an invitation, phone call, or any further information and the wedding date passed. Her wedding went off without a hitch, but clearly we were de-invited. It’s been two months since her wedding, and she just called me again like nothing has happened to pick up where we left off. How should I handle this? Should I continue the friendship, or is this a fly-by-night friend?

I think anyone in this situation would have a right to be absolutely furious! It all just depends on how you handle it. You are hurt, no doubt, but in my experiences in a somewhat similar situation, I just didnt want to deal with it. Sometimes errors get made, who knows what went on. Just always keep your cool and if you would like to confront her about it, just be the calm and mature one. In a casual conversation just ask her how the wedding went, and something like "Im so sorry that i didnt get to see it", and see what her response is. I wouldnt go too much more in it than that.
Im so sorry your friend did that to you, and I hope the best comes out of this situation.

Hi all, how would you word my wedding list? We’ve been living together for ages and have everything we want. As bad as it sounds we don’t need anything other than dollars for the honeymoon and cash for home improvements! how do you say that on a wedding list without sounding like a money grabber? In these times we don’t even expect a gift but a few people have asked.
Any help would be much appreciated because i don’t know what to say!

If you mean what do you do about a registry, the usual thing is to register for dozens and dozens of bath linens: towels, hand cloths, and everything. Then you return all but one or two sets for cash. Afterwards, your nosey aunt will know that those aren’t the fancy blue towels SHE bought for you, but are the identical fancy blue towels someone else bought for you.

im getting married on 5th june been with my parnter 10yrs now 3 kids later…we have a house etc but would like to decorate so we thought it would be a good idea to ask wedding guest for a gift voucher.. for like B & Q!! instead of a wedding list for towels bed sets plates etc etc just dont no how to word it with invations xx

Obviously you are in the UK and to be honest its pretty normal to expect gifts if you are hosting a wedding ! , As you say you have been with your partner for over ten years have 3 children so you pretty much have everything so why not ask for cash gifts or vouchers , especially as the people you are inviting will know this ,so its common sense to do this ,Whats with all the etiquette ? its not the dark ages any more be upfront whats the point in receiving a ton of stuff you already have .My sis in law got married last year and she subtly wrote in her invitations that if people wanted to give cash or gift cards (because she was in the same boat - has everything)there would be a wedding post box (she got off e bay) where they could put anything they wanted to , there wasn’t any embarrassment at all , i certainly wasn’t offended nor was anyone else ,it seemed a sensible idea , anyway its your wedding day , you do what you want good luck and enjoy

My fiancee and I decided our wedding list about a month ago and we thought we were all set! We asked his mom to send us a list just to make sure we got everyone and she sent a list of 65 additional people! Soooo we went through the list and crossed some people off that we dont know/dont want to attend and she freaked!!! Now even though we told her we have made our final decision (after trying to compromise with her) she is still trying to manipluate us into inviting all of HER friends to the wedding. No matter what we say she just wont let it go. What am i supposed to do the wedding is in less than 3 months and i need to purchase the invites?
She is willing to pay for them but we just didnt want a huge wedding with a lot of people we would be meeting for the first time… we only crossed 6 couples off the list and thats because my fiancee has never met them… Part of the problem also is that i dont want her to badger/manipulate us into doing this and then start to think that every time she wants something from us she can do the same thing for the rest of our marriage…

Even if your future mother in law is helping pay for the wedding it’s your wedding and not hers. I’d sit down with my fiance and his mom and explain to her the importance of having your agreed amount of people there. You’re on a budget and want to stay within that budget bottom line. I wouldn’t say if you want them there that you can pay for them because she’ll think you’re trying to be a smart a$$. At the end of the day this is you and your fiance’s wedding day not hers so she needs to respect your decisions. I had to tell my mom the same thing because she was telling people about the wedding and where it would be held. She also gave me a list of people to invite and when I looked it over I didn’t see 1 person’s name that I wanted at our wedding. She was pissed (so be prepared for that) but she got over it…..it also helped because she’s not paying we are so she honestly doesn’t have any say so and neither should your future mother in law.

I am especially looking for locations in the united states in either colorado, michigan, or texas. I am looking for garden locations, it would be ok if there was also a beach but it needs to have a garden. Most locations have certain hours that you can use their garden and i am looking for an evening wedding. I also need for there to be space for 250-450 guest

My friend is a minister who often marries people on the beach. She does not plan
the other parts on the celebration. Usually a caterer could handle the other arrangements
and would know where they have carried out successful receptions in the past.

I need wording samples thanking people that helped us out for the wedding economically and in other ways?… we are going to include this list on the table during the reception..

Piece of paper. With names on it. Say thank you, Print it off.

I have quite a few questions that go with the broader question asked, so if you have any ideas, please answer!

I want a big wedding, so all of my family and his family are going to be invited, but my family is very large and his is very small. Will it be weird because I will have a lot of guests on my side and he wont?

At what age should i allow the guests to bring a date?

When making the guest list do I include dates and children?

It’s not weird to have one side with more guests than the other. However, don’t discount his side just yet. My husband has a very small family yet somehow ended up having more people invited than my overly large family.

What age would you feel comfortable? I allowed anybody over 18 to bring a date. Then again, I didn’t have too many guests under 18 and one of them brought his date anyway. Ugh.

You need to include dates and children in your count to get an accurate number to the caterer. I made an excel spreadsheet - first column of a number that was on their RSVP card (you wouldn’t believe how many send back the cards without a name!), second column was the name of the invited guests (Aunt Sally and Uncle Joe or Philip and Guest), third column was the number invited (2), and fourth column was left blank to insert the number when they responded (many invited with a guest responded without).

Best of luck. And remember, the number of guests is going to be the biggest indicator of overall budget!