Archive for the ‘Wedding to do list’ Category
My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for some time now and my future mother in law says I need to mail out engagement announcements. I have a book and it doesn’t mention mailing out anything. All it says is that we should personally let our family members know and then announce it in the paper. I am planning our wedding announcement for the paper and we have already alerted our relatives but, she still says I need to mail out announcements so people can plan on the date. She said doing this can also "test drive" the addresses I have for everyone. If this is the case, I guess I need to finalize the wedding list sooner. (AHHH!) She thinks the book I have is out of date but, I don’t think it is. Maybe I’m wrong though.
Do I have to send out engagement announcements? If so, can I just send out save the date cards? I really don’t want to go about this the wrong way but, the whole thing seems silly to me.
That does sound kind of silly. I got engaged in October and our wedding is this coming November. We originally wanted to do an announcement in the paper, but decided instead to register our own website and do an announcement there. We sent out save-the-dates to our attendees, which had the website on them. It’s a much more personal touch, and has the whole story of how we got engaged, and photos and everything. I think you should just tell your close family and friends in person. Plus, if you do a website, you can later add wedding and travel information on there, not to mention that doing an ad in the paper that will run on one day only, probably without a photo, will cost more than registering and hosting a site for a whole year. Check out www.lunarpages.com.
My fiancee and I decided not to have a wedding list as we don’t need anything else apart from the big things - and we can hardly ask for a sofa can we? So we thought money would be more pratical. Only that people in Britain are a bit funny about that sometimes 
Is the following phrase ok or is it to straight forward? Wasn’t sure if the word "contributions" only relates to money…??On the other hand we don’t mind receiving more personal gifts if somebody is short of money or a secon hand sofa - but I don’t want to write an essay and it won’t apply to most of them..so what do you think?
Please do not feel obliged to buy a gift! Your presence at our wedding is more important to us. However, if you wish, contributions towards the bigger things for our new home would be greatly appreciated.
The etiquette way would be NOT to say anything in the wedding invitation envelope. You don’t want to call attention to gifts, money or pitching in for a gift. However, we all know it’s been done many times.
If you choose to include something, I would have a little card printed up that is sent in with your invitations & enclosure. The 1st two sentences you noted above is perfect. I think it would be best to take the last sentence off entirely…because it’s basically stating that you will take money. It’s contradicting what you said in the 1st two sentences.
You could change the copy to say "Monetary Gifts Only Please." This would clearly tell guests that you will take money towards a bigger item.
Good luck & Happy Planning!
Rexcraft
We’re going to a wedding this weekend - it’s a very good friend of mine from school days. They sent us an e-mail detailing their wedding list info.
Are we the only people in the world who don’t like wedding lists?!
I appreciate that times have changed; people live together before marriage (we did) and so already have the traditional wedding gifts of household items, but I don’t like being told what to get!
To me, it takes away my right to give a personal present to the couple which they will always remember is from me/us.
Therefore, I haven’t even looked at the list…I have gone and bought a little gift which is unique.
We didn’t have a wedding list, and we got loads of great stuff ‘cos people had to think. We got loads of lovely candles, and somebody got us a wicker basket filled with bottles of wine! The vino is long gone but we use the basket all the time. One person’s present was to take us to the airport and bring us back - Wedding lists NO!!
At my wedding we had a registry list, but a lot of people went and bought gifts on their own. I think the list is for those people who don’t want to, or can’t think of what to get you. Most people will not go by the list. We got a lot of unique things as well, and I was happy with the outcome.
My sister loves parties. She is a having a big 40th in a few weeks. I asked her what she wanted as a present and she said she will send me a "wish list". She emailed a word document and it had some big items on it like outdoor furniture and settings, tickets to expensive concerts and doona sets etc. She had on a few smaller items like beautican vouchers but nothing on the list was under $50. It seemed more like a wedding list. Do you think it was a bit rude? I will be putting in with my family to get an item, however her friends have been instructed to email me wanting to know what she wants and I will send them the list. I feel a bit embaressed to do this. Do you think she is being greedy?
thats pretty rude and greedy, she should be happy with whatever she gets, birthday wish lists are for little kids, not grown women, talk to your sister about adding some more affordable items on the list
Im getting married and i am writing my invitations out. Im not going to do a big wedding list or go into a store and do one as i feel a bit cheeky asking for presents, i dont know y i just do lol. So instead ive decided to ask those who would like to give a gift to please give us money towards our honeymoon, so what I am going to do is add a small slip of paper in with the invitation stating that if people would like to give a gift please give money for our honeymoon, but I dont know how to word it. I dont want them to sound rude and begging for money and i dont want to make people feel like they have to give but I want to let them know that thats what we would like if they want to give a present but I dont know how to word it nicely. I would appreciate it if anyone could help me out with wording them, thank u very much x
There is no right way to word this. It would be like going to someone’s house and saying "If you feel like giving me something to eat, I’m very fond of roast beef and potatoes." You’re supposed to wait until someone offers you something, not bring up the topic yourself.
If you do your RSVP by phone, when people call then most of them will ask what sort of gift the couple would most appreciate. You and your helpers should be prepared with a response that seems to offer them several options, and not narrow their options down to cash. "They collect antique coins, they drink Courvoisier, their decor is forest green and white, and they welcome contributions to the honeymoon fund" works well. A few people will give you coins, cognac, or curios, but most will get the hint and give cash. Notice I said a response that SEEMS to offer options, rather than one that actually offers any good options other than cash. Etiquette is tricky and twisted, not straight forward and frank.
I hope this was helpful. Congrats and best wishes.
I dreamt that my brother was invited to my uncle’s wedding and he told me about it and I was getting ready and him and one of my friends at school joined me, but she was my brothers date and they would never go out in a million years.
And while I was putting on mascara, she wanted to help me to put it on right, but I didn’t want her to help me. Then I found out that I wasn’t invited to the wedding. And I had this baby in the room with me, and when the baby accidently fell off the bed, my friend tried to take it, to make it stop crying, but I didn’t want her to take the baby from me, and then I just held the baby closer and it stopped crying.
Then my mother started looking through a wedding list, and she wanted to call my uncle and ask why I wasn’t invited, but she would never do something like this in real life, she would say it’s my fight. I felt really sad in my dream, what could it mean? thanks
It doesn’t mean anything. As you sleep, your hippocampus (a part of your brain) reorganizes the memories from your day from short term memory (big files) to long-term memory (compact, or ‘zip’ files). This is interpreted in your awareness as surreal and often ridiculous storylines. Dreams are not real and hold no truth - they are not a conscious you.
Your dream was not portending the future or representing your subconscious. What matter are your conscious thoughts and feelings while you are awake - while you are being you.
Don’t worry about it!!
My in-laws are giving me a shower (which I am very grateful for). Although I thought they went a bit overboard with the guest list, I realize it wasn’t my choice and just let them do their thing. I did, however, make sure they received a copy of the wedding guest list and told them to be sure they don’t invite anyone they didn’t have invited to the wedding. Turns out, the shower invites are already mailed and they did invite 2 people to the shower who were not invited to the wedding…they say they should have been on the wedding list. I made sure to have them check the wedding list before invites went out and asked them many times if they were forgetting anyone. I was given the ‘go ahead’ to mail wedding invites…and those two were not on my list. They aren’t immediate family and I’ve never heard their names or met them in 7 years…they’re his dead grandpa’s cousin’s children (we think). What would you do about this???
Yes, two people aren’t that big of a deal (but it really translates to 4 people with their guests…that’s $130 added to the caterer). And…this isn’t the first thing like this that’s been an issue. I fought with them about my wedding party, and about having their whole family at the rehearsal dinner and none of mine.
I’d stand firm that they aren’t invited to the wedding, as long as your fiance’ is agreeable to that. Have your 2bhubby explain to his parents that the guest list was finalized, and they shouldn’t have invited these people to the shower. Now that it’s done and they’re invited to the shower, there’s nothing you can really do about it, but that still doesn’t mean you have to change your wedding guest list because of your in-laws mistake.
Hey
I always imagined a small wedding of about 150-200 people but my parents are like those people that know everyone. i’m an only child and the youngest in my family from both sides so this wedding is going to be on a grand scale. My parents are inviting everyone they know as well as people who hate me.
It’s horrible and out of my control. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but the wedding list has reached sky high. I don’t even know about 75% of the people and of those invited some actually really dislike me and yet they are going to come to my wedding.
What should i do? I don’t wanna hurt my parents feeling but i want a small, memorable and intimate wedding not a circus. I know they always wanted this but it’s my day too.
Please help…..
My parents are the same way & I also have always wanted a small wedding & so from the beginning of planning our wedding I nicely reminded my parents that this is my wedding, not theirs, & I don’t want to feel obligated to invite all their personal friends there who don’t even know me. They agreed that I was right & things have gone smoothly, with no pressure to invite their circle of friends.
You really need to tell your parents how you feel & explain your reasons. Remind them that this is your wedding day & you’d like to keep things on the smaller side, with a more personal feel. Hopefully they will be understanding. Try to compromise with them and make sure that they run names by you before writing them on the final guest list. Talk about each person & discuss why/why not they should be invited. This is really the only way to please everyone. Good luck, and don’t let it stress you out too much, there are other things to worry about!
Well, you can see from my last question that my fiancee and I are going to marry next year and we decided no to have a wedding list. After a controversial discussion on this subject I was interested in the reasons as to why it is such a taboo in Britain to put a little, polite note in the envelope WITH the invitation to say that you appreciate monetary gifts (without using the word money-please see my last question). The reason why we decided to do so is:
1. We really don’t have much money at all and we received already a lot of little practical gifts on our engagement. And we have already most of the little things. So we really save up for the bigger things. Our wedding won’t cost much but it is a lot of money for us. But as we would like our friends to be part of our wedding we decided to have a proper reception.
2. I asked around and everyone said, they think it’s a very good idea so I was very surprised about your reaction. Also, in my culture (I am German) it is very common to "ask" for money. There will be German guests so they won’t think it’s impolite. The rest of the people in my community doesn’t mind the idea at all because they know us.
3. I don’t want people to spend too much money on ordinary things. For example: If I make a wedding list and someone decides to buy us a tin opener, most people won’t go for the 1 pound version but spend 10 pound. I would be better off with 5 pound cash and than I go and buy a tin opener for 1 pound and save the rest for a sofa or a bed. So both sides will benefit from this.I don’t want people to go into debt for us (which is also impolite) because they can only spend money on their credit card and can’t give cash. I’d rather forgo a gift altogether.
4.My parents are not involved with the wedding preperation at all as they live in Germany and we don’t have the bestest of relationships. Most people don’t know my fiancees parents so they (the guests) will be grateful (so they say) if they don’t have to ring around and ask whether there is a wedding list or not. And I think a little polite note is much better than being told by the parents that we’re better off with money - what on earth is the difference?
4. If I really put on a list what we need it would be a washing machine and furniture - Well, THAT is impolite.
5. Why does british etiquette never make sense? Sometimes I think it’s only about tradition, not a about logic.
6. If you think this method is impolite, how impolite is it to DEMAND that someone spends half a fortune to make it able for you to be part of a nice wedding but not to give anything? If someone can’t afford to give anything, I don’t have a problem with this - and they won’t be able to buy a present either anyway. But if they are my friends (which is the case with all of the people I invited) they will completely understand my situation and I will completely understand their situation. The first sentence in my note is completely sincere and honest. I do NOT expect anything but please make it easy for both of us if you want to give something. My flatmate eg asked me what if she has no money and if she could make something nice for me - something personal. And I am more than happy with this. People who know us and love us won’t be offended and everyone I asked so far actually preferred giving money…
One of my friends (and even my fiancee) reacted the same way you did, and then I explained my reasons for this. Now they understand and all my friends agree with this. So, is it still impolite?
I think the day has gone whereby you receive 10 toasters and 6 can openers. Nowadays, a majority of couples actually live together before they tie the knot so they have most things.
My son married last year and they put on their invites that they preferred not to receive gifts but if anyone wanted to give them a gift then vouchers would be welcomed as they were saving to buy a house and vouchers would help them to buy bits they wanted. Close family (ie granmothers, aunties and uncles etc) all gave cheques and some close friends gave them dollars as they were going on a month long honeymoon to the US. They actually only got a couple of wrapped presents and they were mainly decorative gifts.
Another wedding I attended recently asked for Thomas Cook Vouchers so they could put these towards a belated honeymoon to Florida (they also had two children).
Another wedding couple asked for donations to a large item of furniture they required. In fact they opened a "list" with Debenhams and the only thing on the list was a bed. As they had lived together for some time, they didn’t want anything else so all donations went towards this! It was something they wanted and, I believe, they got enough for the bed and some nice bed linen too.
A lot of weddings in the UK now ask for cash for presents or, if you don’t want to be seen to be mercenary, then vouchers for a particular store. Alternatively, if you don’t want anything, then ask for donations to a charity? I’ve seen that done, too.
It’s your wedding so you do what you want. If anyone has a problem then that is their affair!
Good luck to you both for the future.
My girlfriend and I are getting married next year and she would like to compile a list of items that we can publish for guests to read and then leave at a shop for people to buy. I really hate the idea but hear that it’s quite popular. What are people’s thoughts about this?
I think it’s a great idea, I hate the stress of picking out gifts, to simply just pick one off a list is my idea of shopping heaven!
